"What is mourning, and how do we mourn? Is mourning the reverse side of love, and is its pain the mirror-writing of Love's delight? The greater the love, the deeper the grief; the more unreserved the surrender, the more inconsolable the loss. Those who have given themselves utterly in love for someone else die themselves in the pains of grief, and are born again so that life can be given to them afresh, and so that they can again find the will to live."
-Jurgen Moltmann
I am struck by the phenomenon of human grief. When we lose somebody dear to us, and the mourning process commences in us, it seems as if life has halted for a time: consistent deep sadness, loss of interest in the world around us, insurmountable depression, inhibition of activity, etc. The fact that this is a natural occurrence is in remarkable contrast to the usual resilience of the human species. Behaviors emerge in us that would be cause for clinical diagnosis were they not solely present during a period of mourning. This is generally accepted; and in a strange but hardly morbid way, it is rather beautiful.
What is grotesquely morbid, however, is our modern era's narcissistic suppression of the mourning process. Sure, individuals are often left alone to their emotional grief when they desire to be without company, but consolation and solidarity as practiced by a caring community is snubbed as antiquated or out-dated. Sadly, many are also fearful of the mourning environment. . . that somehow they might contract the negative feelings in that atmosphere like one would a bacterial infection. But that is precisely the purpose of such involvement, to adopt the feelings of the grieved individual or groups and aid in the healing that must occur.
I commend those in the Christian Church who still feel that it is the Body of Christ's responsibility to be the healing balm for the wounded spirit in their community. We are the parakletos, commissioned by the Spirit to participate in the divine solidarity with those who suffer and mourn. They need us and count on us to be the sacred agents of life and love and empathy. How dare we abandon them?
"Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted."
5 comments:
its interesting that you quote the sermon on the mount to end this note. because to mourn, would mean to many people that (for that time of mourning)you were cursed. To be honest i felt that way after my father died. its weird how people will be there verbally, but when push comes to shove, most of the time people avoided me or if they were around me they were uncomfortable.
the people who helped my healing process were the ones who knew that they didn't know what to say, but were ok with that... who loved me the same as they had before. i still have a letter written on the back of an offering envelope that just told me a story about my Dad, no words of comfort... it was amazing how much that changed me.
i'm glad you wrote this. i think its a tragedy that many in the church have grown to look at mourning as a curse, when the reality of it is that (like Jesus says) they are blessed.
Thanks, Myca.
I appreciate how you always "get" what I'm trying to say when I write. It means alot, man.
it always strikes me during funerals of a person of faith, that the pastor doing the eulogy, usually says, "let us not be discouraged, but let us rejoice for this person is in paradise" or something of the sort.
Yes we should rejoice, but at the same time, the people who have lost a loved one take that as "I shouldn't mourn"
It is healthy to mourn and to go through the grieving process. But it is our job as Christians to just simply be there for them. To be available to them.
I'm staying at a host home right now, and the couple I'm staying with, the wife had just lost her brother last Thursday. And she just simply wanted someone to share the stories and memories of her brother with.
Thanks for this.
parakletos.
justin, this is one of the most beautiful things i've read. I do believe we, as a society, have lost the art and the side of love that is mourning. To truly lose a breath due to the absence of a loved one. I think it's out of love, and reverence of that person's impact on our personal lives, that we must not suppress mourning, but instead allow it it's full course. Thanks Justin, may we continue to allow times of mourning, as the reflection of that, love, grows.
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